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Lazarus Lessons

Updated: Apr 11, 2020

I haven't posted in a few weeks! We have had a few health challenges at home! Because of sickness it's been really hard for me to get a preach in this year! In January I was scheduled to preach and I lost my voice. That felt really hard to cancel doing it. I had done all the prep, but to let everyone down, ask everyone to move things around to accommodate me, it was hard! But I had a conviction it was the right thing to do. Sometimes we have to take the hard choice to rest rather than to push ourselves so that we take care of ourselves. So I did!


Then three weeks ago, the family couldn't make it to church. My son was poorly and we all had to take medication which had some side effects! I had to arrange others to cover my jobs for that Sunday as well. Again it seemed like the right choice despite that I could have pushed myself. Then two weeks ago my son got sick overnight. I took care of him all through the night, and couldn't move on Sunday morning! I couldn't keep my eyes open. That was even more of a case of cancelling, rearranging and having courage to do that despite feeling guilty, feeling frustrated that I was letting others down.


In the middle of last week I went down... the 24 hour vomiting bug! Then my daughter caught it. It was some comfort that at least we were together, sitting in my big bed, passing the bucket! Ha! Due to preach on Sunday, I prayed really hoping to be told I should once again stand down.... only to hear that I was going to have a preach by Sunday and not to cancel. I was slightly concerned that I didn't have a thought in my head what to say, and couldn't think straight all Thursday... no inspiration... Friday... nope... Saturday... just some noted down thoughts!


Was it my fault that we were sick? Was I doing something wrong? Was I failing spiritually because I couldn't pray it off? These condemning thoughts tormented me and made it very difficult to focus on anything else. Then there was the pressure of knowing someone from church had lost their husband last week. What can I say? I'm barely a grown up! How do I find something helpful or meaningful to say?!


When I finally made time to just ask Jesus, what do you want to talk to the church about tomorrow. He said: "Lazarus"!


A bold choice. I felt like I hadn't heard properly. But I decided to read through the passage and pray, see what came. It's quite long... was my first thought. No way I can cover all that in one go and do it any justice! John 11: 1-44. Four of those big bold-font section headings. No way to shortcut the story and take its full meaning. No point in setting off to climb up a mountain and pretending one quarter of the way up that you have reached the top! Still I felt encouraged to make a start and see how it went, pushing away any thoughts of what on earth I would do on Sunday that on Saturday evening at 9pm I still hadn't got any ideas!


The passage was absolutely teeming with life! So much clarity to thoughts and feelings I had both dwelled on and skimmed over during the previous several weeks. So many layers, levels, relationships, characters to empathise with, scenarios to imagine and identify with. Vivid. Real. Awesome!


Again I felt fear that I wouldn't be able to get through the lengthy passage. Again I felt encouraged to keep going. What I was seeing in the passage were real people having no idea how they were going to get through to the end of their circumstances, and what I was feeling was an intense doubt that I could get to the end myself and have anything coherent to share.


Push. Through.


Having pushed through the first 16 verses, the rest of the passage totally took care of itself.


Relief!


My one take-away message for the whole preach?


Jesus is always, always, always seeking to grow our faith. All we can to do is when we have absolutely no idea what on earth is going on, no clue what to do when we don't even have any control over our own bodies, no sense of how or when we are going to get to the end, all we can do, is to hold on to Jesus for dear life and let Him show up and shine. And He comes through for us every single time.


The prayer meeting before the service was a beautiful time inviting God to have His way in the church that morning. In such sweet presence though still daunted by the mountain climb, I stood with tears pouring down my face; smiling in the beautiful presence of hope.


Invited to pray for me, my dear friend to my right kept declaring over me courage and boldness, courage and boldness, courage and boldness, and as she did, up from my belly, rose a loud and unexpected ROAR!!


"That feels so much better!!" I said.


Never have I so embodied a message I was carrying. That message was fresh! Never have I so enjoyed the partnership with the Holy Spirit and been so grateful for the family community throughout the time I stood on that platform sharing what we had worked on together.


What a journey. What a privilege. What a hard thing. What beauty.


Jesus.



And here's the most amazing worship song that I highly recommend you to soak in if you are in any way waiting for the light at the end of that tunnel...





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