Second Letter from Lockdown: Esther is Seen

(This letter follows on from a post from June 2020 which you might want to read first here)

To Papa Mordecai

By the word of Hathach, servant of the King, to whom I dictated this

Dearest Papa M

I had the most extraordinary dream last night. I was led by Hathach out of the dormitory in the early morning and through the gate to a quiet pool in a sheltered corner that I had never noticed before. There he told me to wait. I knelt down and reached with my hand sweeping it through the cool silky water. I heard a step behind me and turned. Walking toward me was a man I had never seen before. The sun seemed to be rising behind him and I couldn't quite see his face until he drew closer. At first I thought he was you, dear Papa, but he was younger and his beard not so long. His eyes were so big and he looked at me with a deep kindness that made my stomach lurch with a yearning for home. His gaze seemed to intensify and I had to look away, there was a burning fire in his eyes. He spoke softly with a voice of comfort and kindness.

"Esther, stand!" he said. It was a command but felt like an invitation.

I stood and tried to meet his gaze again. His strange and beautiful face began to come in to focus as my pounding heart still beat. He lifted his hands and I saw he had a garland there. A bright and flowered crown sprayed with vivid orange promegranate flower, and gentle white lily of the valley. The fragrance that began to fill the atmosphere was so fresh and alive. It covered over the cloying perfume of the harem and felt like an opening to

heaven that refreshed all of my senses. I felt strengthened and reminded of who I was before I came here; like home had never left me despite that I had left my home. He raised up the garland and placed it on my head.

"Esther, you are Queen!" he declared.

I gasped. His words rang true as he spoke them, I almost grew taller under the glory of it. Then he breathed on me and I seemed to grow taller still. Stretched and called upwards into a version of myself that was more like me than I had been before. I felt more poised, more peaceful, more sure of who I was.

"Esther, you are mine!" he said. And I saw that his gift to me of the crown was to mark my belonging to Him above all others. That he was bestowing on me a royalty that was even more dazzling in richness and eternity than anything I had ever experienced on this earth, even after spending all these weeks within the most decadent palace ever built by man.

"Esther, see...." and he gestured to the water where I was able to observe my own reflection. I looked and saw my face. My brown eyes, my brown hair, my glowing skin, my white robes, but more than that I saw a light shining in my own eyes. A reflection of the eyes of the One I had seen whose strength had now taken up residence in me, inspiring my heart with a devotion and a love I had never felt before.

I smiled with joy and tears filled my eyes. I turned to look for the one, but he had gone, and I awoke.

Not an hour later, as we were preparing ourselves to join the morning meal, a messenger came to me.

"Esther, you are summoned by Hegai" the chief eunuch had sent for me. The other girls were stunned for a moment, then started busily chattering and guessing why.

"Why Esther? Why her...?" The envy slipped like oil from that one's lips.

"That's so strange, is she in trouble?" The fearful thought tried to rattle my heart.

"I heard Hegai was going to send some women away." Oh the hope and the shame, that I might go home, or that I might be sent away in disgrace.

"She's so odd, that one. Maybe he's finally noticed it too" the chilling mockery creeping alongside trying to steal peace away.

"Hurry girl" said the messenger, so I just stood and walked out the room leaving the others behind to whip up their stories filled with daggers for my back. As I left the room my mind raced. Only one thought rose clear out of the tumult, that maybe I really was going to be Queen.

"Esther!" said Hegai with his thick, still foreign accent, and to my surprise he smiled. I smiled back as I always do in response to any warmth from others. I couldn't see any anger or menace in his face. He seemed calm and kindly. I had never spoken to him before and didn't know him very well. I just observed as we all did when he sat in his chair up on the balcony looking out over us all. Observing, judging, weighing us all up I suppose.

Then to my great surprise he gestured to a servant who handed me a small bouquet. A brightly coloured spray of pomegranate flower and lily of the valley. As I caught their fragrance I let out a laugh.

"Oh how lovely, my Lord. What a precious gift. For me?"

"Esther I have been watching you. I have seen you and my servants have reported all to me that happens behind the veils and curtains. I know the King, and I know what He likes. You will please him, I am sure. You are beautiful indeed. But more than that, you have found favour with me. You don't behave like those silly girls plotting and scheming how to get ahead. No, the King had fiery Vashti before. Vain and selfish; painfully beautiful she constantly caused sorrow in the court. Pitting the concubines against one another, tormenting and controlling them. Favouring one until she grew bored then casting her out so she had not one friend left. She ruled this place with easy malice, thinking she was entitled to the power of the King. We barely had a day's peace while she was the Queen. Jealously slapping and clawing the other women's faces if they were summoned before the King and she was not. His majesty will not make the same mistake again and neither will I. I like you Esther. I have seen you. You don't argue or steal, or act spitefully. You don't rise to the tormenting games the others play with the servants, like a room full of bored cats playing with scared mice that they only want to devour." He surprised me with his obvious disdain for these women. "It will please my King to have you and I wager, you are precisely what He is looking for now."

"Thank you my Lord, I am astonished by your words" I bowed low and dropped my gaze, "I will give my best endeavour to serve my King. Teach me how to please His majesty that I might honour and bless him" I said.

He smiled and replied "Yes, you'll be Queen"

I was deeply comforted in my heart that I now belonged to a higher King.

Then Hegai told me to gather up anything from my rooms that I wanted to keep. My thoughts turned urgently to the simple things from home in my hiding place; my spindle, my mother's comb, my father's shawl clip. Small treasures. Then he said I could choose my favourites from among the maids, because I and seven servants are being moved from here to the best palace in the harem to be prepared to meet the King. Seven servants only for me!

I said I would accept any maids that he chose so long as I could keep sweet Hathach for my new household. My close companion so loyal and calm. He said that I could and at that I let out a cry for joy and relief. All those threatening daggers dissolved like vapour and I realised I was being delivered safely into the will of our God, the one who made me and called me to Himself.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, dear Papa M, it is high; I cannot attain it.

Please continue to pray for me. I believe that in the palace I will be more closely watched and more despised than ever by those whose loss has become my firm gain.

I pray for you too Papa Mordecai. Send me word by Hathach and I will wave my last goodbye to you tomorrow. We shall have to find a new way to find each other from now on.

All my love. Your Hadassah