My husband and I have been married for ten years this weekend. I thought it would be fun to share some memories, reflections in the hopes that it might encourage someone!
About twelve years ago I was having a bad 'single' day. Some single days were fine, some were empowered and free, but some were tough. I was earnestly praying about what to do. Dating site? Speed dating? Change church? In my prayer I heard the name Boaz... and looking it up found Ruth Chapter 3 where Naomi instructs her daughter-in-law Ruth to lie at the feet of a man named Boaz, who would be her redeemer, and ensure he either finds her a husband or marries her himself.
Apart from being astounded that the Bible passage I found related directly to the cry of my heart, I was also amazed at the instruction. Lay at the feet of my Redeemer who will be the one to provide a husband. No action to take, apart from stay close to Jesus and let him sort it out.
About a year later, I was spending some time with a work colleague in the church hall of the church we worked in. She was talking about how one of her main goals in life was marriage, even though she was still very young, she was very intentional about wanting that early in her adult life. I listened to her talk about her dreams and priorities. Then she asked me, "what kind of man are you looking for?"
At that exact moment, Steve who was only 19 years old at the time (while I was a full 29 years old) walked past us. I don't know what wisdom I spoke from, but I said, "This may sound a bit weird, but a man like that is exactly the kind of man I want. He's just at the beginning now, but wait until you see where he is in ten years time. He's going to be an amazing man and you won't believe where he is." I think she and I both had the same thought - that was a bit random!
Six months later, Steve and I were again at a work event. We spent some time in the office together during the day. We were making each other laugh sharing funny songs on Youtube. There was a church service that evening, and afterwards I was invited by another friend to go to a games evening. Accepting the invitation I went along. The first person I saw as I walked in the room was Steve. He looked at me in such a surprised way that it caught my attention.
What I didn't know was that earlier in that church service, Steve had been praying. He had broken up with his girlfriend a few weeks previously and had prayed, saying to God, "If you want me to remain single and dedicate my life to you, I will." Having prayed that prayer, an image of me came in to his mind, but with a giant red arrow over my head pointing to me... thinking that was a bit random, and assuming it was because we'd been working together that afternoon, he dismissed it... until I walked unexpectedly in to the room less than half an hour later.
I joined in the games evening, having a relaxing time with a group of friends. The evening wore on and one by one, friend after friend left. But Steve and I didn't want to leave. We continued to chat, play cards and enjoy the company. Eventually it began to get light, and we thought it might be fun to go for a walk. There was a beach a short distance away, and it might be cool to watch the sunrise. As we walked down towards the deserted beach from among the steep sand dunes, we approached the shoreline, at which point we noticed two white plastic garden chairs sitting beside one another on the sand. Not a soul to the left. Not a soul to the right. Just the two of us, two chairs, and the horizon.
Sitting down, as it was such a clear invitation, we began to ask one another slightly more unusual questions still under the guise of small talk. Where do you see yourself in five years? Do you want a family? What are your dreams? Eventually total exhaustion took over, as well as the realisation that we had to work in the following couple of hours so we made our way back.
A week later Steve asked me out. And a week later I told him it was totally inappropriate because of the age gap, and because of the scripture that says younger men should treat older women like their mothers.... (1 Timothy 5:2 if you don't believe me!)
The next three months represented the most uncomfortable, confusing and challenging time of wrestling for me: questioning my feelings, trying to understand a purity of heart longing that I had never experienced before, canvassing some of my closest friends what their reaction might be if someone they knew began dating a man a decade younger than them! Finding nobody I deeply cared about who voiced a single objection... and in fact meeting one prayer minister who presented with the facts, abruptly said, "My wife is ten years older than I am and I don't understand what the problem is..." I believed it was eventually time to confess my true feelings and take a really big risk.
On our first date, we decided that there was something worth pursuing. When the news broke to the rest of our community, the comments and criticism that I had so deeply feared did in fact manifest, yet the experience of it only served to make me more sure of my decision. Making a very serious agreement together that the age gap potentially meant that we should take our relationship more slowly, three months later Steve asked me to marry him. And I said yes!!
The proposal is a whole other story which I will save for another occasion.
Ten years, three churches, two houses, one geriatric cat, three pregnancies and two children later.... here we are! Celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary.
This week, I have had a prevailing image during my times of prayer and worship. That of sitting at the feet of my Redeemer, arms wrapped around him, aware of the beautiful wounds on his feet that were the price for my freedom. Yearning to pour out my heart in gratitude that reflects the depths of my tenderness and hope and prayer for more of the abundant life He has brought me in to. Before I met Jesus, it was the end of the road for me. I'd exhausted my finances, my friendships, my family, my hope and my self. I had nothing left and hated myself so terribly for the mess I had made. I threw myself on the mercy of One who even the promise of was better than anything I had experienced in life.
Thank you Jesus, without your love, I would never have found this love.
Really lovely Lyndsay. So inspiring.
Resting at the feet of our Redeemer, always!